i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
