I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
