I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
