totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
