I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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