if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
