Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
