your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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