i think i recognize dicks better than faces
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
