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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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