You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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