i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
