i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
