Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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