i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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