If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
