Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Congratulations! We have a period
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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