fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
