i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have feelings that need drinking.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
