the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
