I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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