Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
