She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we're making bets on your personal life
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
