After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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