Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
