So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
