i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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