I just pynch a tree in the face
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
