Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
