Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
