Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
