Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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