I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my being single is dangerous.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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