She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
