If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
