drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
