4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
