my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
