is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
