Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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