Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
