I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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