I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
