Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
