You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
