Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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