Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
