Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
