If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
