I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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