Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
