im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
