Sry I called you an 8
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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