Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think your dad took our porno
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
