I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
