He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
