I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
