I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
