I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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