I think i sorta joined a cult last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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