there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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