I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
