I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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