how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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