is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
