I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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