She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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