just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
